Tunnel Vision

When you are driving, and you get to your destination and can't remember the actual drive there because you were lost in your own thoughts... this is called tunnel vision. It is said to be more dangerous than driving while exhausted, drunk, or high. I had tunnel vision while running today and that scares me a little because it means I have no idea what was going on around me and that is very unsafe.

Anyway, today's 2 mile run was extremely fast. I was out the door and the next thing I knew I was back to my complex. My thoughts were completely taken up by wedding planning. I went venue shopping and it was utter failcakes. The first two venues did not have my date available. I knew the first one didn't but I wanted to look at their hotel for guests anyway, but the second one told me on the phone that they had my date and when I got there they told me they had a hold on my date and it probably would not come available. The third place says they fit 250 people, but after being in there, 175 I think would be the most you could fit comfortably. And that made me so sad because it was such an AWESOME space. But I had a cousin who used a very small space and had to flip it, and it was so miserable. Everybody hated it and I don't want people to remember my wedding that way.

So today I have 3 more venues and I hope it goes better than yesterday. Saturday I have 20 miles. It is my first time. I am nervous in the way that I am always nervous. But I know I can do it because I did 18 and this is only 2 more miles. Sarah will be there to push me through when I'm struggling. I really appreciate her.

We might go boot blocking Sunday. We will see if we are moving.

This weekend's smell is brought to you by the letter B

Saturday morning I had my 10 mile run. I started off really fast for me because I started running with my mentor Amy. I realized fairly quickly that I was not going to be able to keep that pace up so I slowed her down a little, but it was still a quick pace.

I liked the pace at first because it was cold that morning. It was cold enough that my arms and hand were going numb and getting that slight burning feeling. As the sun came out it got warmer and my arms were fine, but my hands were still really stiff by the end of the run and I had kept clenching and unclenching them throughout the run.

Amy and I caught up with what is going on in both our lives and chatted about our weekend plans. We both have plans to BBQ and when we were talking about camping and BBQing a burning wood smell came our way. It smelled like someone was BBQing at 6:30 in the am. I guess they could have been started a smoker or something that takes a good portion of the day, but it was really strange.

I stayed with Amy for the first 4 1/2 miles but then I had to drop behind and go my own pace if I wanted to be able to run the whole thing. I wasn't going my slow pace but a decent pace for me and I was happy. At the end of the run I ended up kicking it for the last half mile. I saw the finish line and just started running fast, it wasn't planned, it just happened. I managed to get all 10 miles in in 2 hours! That included my water stops which means my shorter run pace is picking up. I was really proud and stoked.

This Monday morning I woke up to future hubby's alarm and groaned. I was sooo tired, I just wanted to go back to bed. But I couldn't because it was the only time today that I had to run, and I needed to run because I am going WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING today!!! So I wanted to get a run in so that I could feel good about my body. It is completely mental. When I exercise I feel better about the way that I look then days that I don't even though my body doesn't change that much from one day to the next.

Anyway, after a slow start, I got out the door and did a quick and easy 3 miles. I had a lot to think about with what underwear I am going to wear to try on dresses, and what outfit I am going to wear since I have to go straight to a Labor Day party afterwards. I also thought about what kind of dresses I want to try on and that fact that I am very excited and even a little nervous. I can't believe I'm actually getting married! 6years together. You know it is going to happen but knowing it will someday happen and it actually happening are so different. It is hard to explain.

Halfway through the run I was in the park that I am always telling you about and there is a HUGE cookout going on. Kids all over the playground, adults milling about, and then it hits me with the full force of being in a very small apartment. The smell of bacon. Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike the smell of bacon. That is neither here nor there to me. But when you are running, fresh air is really what you want to be smelling. Anyway I got through the park and back to the streets and fresh air.

I haven't been fundraising since boot blocking. Maybe Sarah and I will go again next weekend. Anyway, I am off to go shopping! Thanks for sharing this with me.

Stormy Bliss

I woke up this morning to a major storm. I love storms so I was very happy. But then I realized that meant I needed to push back my run and I really like to get it out of the way so I was a little disappointed about that.

A little after 10am I got out the door with Atreyu because it had been 30 minutes since the last thunder rumble. It was the most perfect weather. I couldn't have asked for better. I do think I am going to stop taking Atreyu running with me though because he puts up such a fight until the end and it is getting very aggravating. Other than him being a nincompoop the run went really smoothly and it was over before I knew it. We got home and Atreyu was suddenly brown and black instead of white and black so I threw us both in the shower and got the rest of my day started.

This weekend is 10miles, what we consider a short mileage at this point. Sarah is going to be out of town and I know I am going to miss her. I look forward to running with some of the others though and by myself. I am sure I will run with Amy for some of the time so that will be nice to catch up with her.

Future hubby donated all of his chunk change to my cause and it ended up being about $73. He is so wonderful. Thank you all for your support!

But I don't wanna

Getting out of bed this morning was a struggle. It was the first time in about a week that I had slept the whole night through and when future hubby's alarm went off this morning I realized that I still need several more hours to make up for a week's lack of sleep. But I pulled myself up and SLOWLY got ready for my run.

At this point I have stopped checking to see if I want to run. It's not really an option, I don't look at it as, am I excited to get out the door? I don't usually even not want to go, it is just a matter of routine at this point. It's like brushing my teeth or getting dressed before leaving the house. It doesn't really matter if I want to or not because I am going to do it anyway so why ask myself if I want to or not. I realized that my Monday and Wednesday runs had become this way for me. Because halfway into my run this morning, my brain said to me, 'you know, I'm not really in the mood for this today, lets stop and go home'. Fortunately I was already at the halfway point so I just told my self to keep going and I would get home faster. It was just a sign of how tired I am physically and emotionally.

Atreyu did awesome today. There were A LOT of doggies out today and as we passed by he always looked at them curiously but never misbehaved. It kept telling him what a good doggy he was and he looked up at me every time with his tongue out like 'hu hu hu, thanks mom!'

Yesterday Sarah and I boot blocked and we each made $100 in under 2 hours! It was great. Sara's parents also gave me a $50 donation in honor of her so a big thank you to them! I am getting close to my goal, please help me finish getting there. Thanks for all your support.

Just get home, just get home.

My mantra of the day to get me through my first ever 18 miles was "just get home." Today's run was started with a 3mile round trip route and then we headed onto the trails for a 9mile round trip route, and then went out on the trails again to do a 6mile round trip route. Originally it was supposed to be 3 then 6 then 9, but I asked Sarah if she would want to do 3, 9, 6 so that mentally it would be easier to get through it. If the last trip is shorter it is easier on the mind to say to yourself, its only part of the route, you can do it.

Sarah agreed and apparently a lot of others had the same thought because they were doing the same thing. There were lots of good hills and I did well on them so I feel like I am ready for whatever San Fran throws at me. The first two routes were great. Sarah and I chatted about my engagement and we shared proposal stories and wedding ideas and it really helped the time pass. We were both feeling really good.

Unfortunately, on the last route out both my mind and body were working against me. My body was sore and aching so I had to keep my mind focused but my mind kept trying to tell me to give up. I realized that no matter what, I couldn't get home without getting back to my car, so in order to get myself to keep going I just kept saying to myself, just get home. I started to cramp so I slowed down and was a few paces behind Sarah but I finished in under 4 hours and ran the whole time and I was incredibly proud of myself!

I went straight home and got in an ice bath and it went smoothly this time! I went back down to one bag and wore socks. My feet were a little numb at the end of the 20 minutes, but I lasted the whole 20 minutes and talked to Leah (and Josh) through it to make the time go faster. After I got out of the ice bath I decided to go down to the pool. It was magnificent, just what I needed and deserved. Now for the rest of the day!

Sarah and I are boot blocking tomorrow. Please come give us all your spare change!! Thanks for all your support!

Jambalaya

My future husband woke up early this morning because he had an early morning meeting to get to. So I got up with him, grabbed Atreyu and headed out for my 2 mile run. It was GORGEOUS this morning. The sun was out but not beating down, the air was cool, and there was the best little cool breeze ever.

Atreyu started out dragging again. At one point he dug his heels in and his collar slipped right off his head! So I put his collar back on and we didn't have that problem again. I just kept talking to him and he stayed at least right behind me. Then on the way home again he realized we were almost back and he shot out ahead of me and kept looking back like, "are ya comin'?". And then when we got home it was apparently run around time because he shot around the house like a pinball in a machine. He is so silly. Now he is conked out in his little bed.

The whole run my thoughts were everywhere. It was like a big pot of Jambalaya. I thought about wedding venues. I have all but 2 booked to view. I then thought about the fact that I need to ask the rabbi if women can hold up the chuppa at my wedding. And I also thought about the fact that now that I am engaged I seem to have stopped all normal thoughts and become obsessed with wedding planning. I have turned into one of those girls and I need to stop. So then I started thinking about how ridic excited I am that I got the internship with Sarah at AAF-KC.

I am so excited about learning all there is through this internship and gaining experience and growing. I am hoping that through meeting all the people that I will through this internship I can gain a full time position once the internship is over. I am hoping that this experience will open a whole universe of doors for me. The other great thing about this internship is that it is part time so I can still work for my dad when I am not busy with the internship.

Saturday is my first 18. I am a little nervous, but I know that Sarah will start me out slow and then push me in the end. I know I can conquer it! Then on Sunday Sarah and I are supposedly going to go boot blocking. If you are in our area and would like to join us and help us collect more money we would appreciate it!

Contradiction in mental states

I woke up this morning, put on my running shoes, leashed Atreyu and went out the door. Running today was a mental struggle. I started my cycle last night so I was feeling very sluggish this morning. There was a lot of, "keep going, it's a short run" going on in my head. Then at the beginning of the run I wasn't paying attention and shortly realized I started doing my route the hard way where the really steep hill is at the end, and I usually do that on my 2mile run and not my 3mile and def. not when I feel this way. So then I had to just keep encouraging myself because it was too late and I wasn't going to turn around.

So most of the run was filled with thoughts of just getting through it, but they other part of my brain was racing with excitement. I got engaged Saturday night so this morning I was thinking of all the things I need to get started on. Mostly my thoughts were about getting my ring sized today and trying on my mother's wedding dress. I have been thinking about this for 2 years now, and now that it is here it seems so surreal. It is very weird for me to realize that I am actually getting married to one of the most wonderful people in the world.

Basically my run was full of contradicting thoughts. My body and running mind were sluggish and a struggle, and the rest of my mind was racing with excitement. Thankfully though, I think the excitement got me all the way through my run even if I was slow.

I didn't get to go boot blocking on Sunday, 1) because I got engaged and ended up celebrating with family and 2)because I was unable to get in contact with Sarah. Hopefully next week we will be able to go out there together. Other than that, please still follow along and share my stories with others!